From this to That

Dear Followers that really do follow, (if there even are any)
 So...I've started a tumblr instead...hoping it will be faster and easier to load pictures and stuff. Because I'm going to take this to a new level. So go here...and hope it rocks your little (or big) world.


Peace.

Burst of Creativity...

Dear Self,

I'm having a problem called I want to do too many things...www.pineterest.com I blame you.

To Do List:
1. Get a Silhouette SD
2. Make awesome shirts
3. Make awesome art
4. Take cute pictures of Elaina
5. Make cool stuff

Let's ROCK this.

*The list is really longer my mind is just blanking...of course.

And I miss these people...everybody's leaving...:(

Dear life, YOU'RE AWESOME!

This has been a long time coming...but life is great!!

I GOT A JOB!!!

And for some reason I don't really feel like blogging...lame I know. But know that life is great.

Here's a few gems from it.Me and Braeden went to see Thor.I got an IPHONE!! Woohoo.

This lovely thing is courtesy of Katie. Birthday party style...
And no better way to end than with this little cutie. :)

Growing, and the good kind.

So there are a few places and times in my life that I've felt really close to the spirit that I can really remember...EFY, in the temple, while getting father's blessings, in the bathroom at Women's Conference (weird one I know), testimony meetings, and most recently getting my patriarchal blessing.

As reflected lately in my blog posts and in my actual life...I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life, things aren't going extremely well but things could be a lot worse. I've been thinking about getting my blessing for a really long time, but have always been really scared about it. I finally just went for it, knowing that I really could use the guidance that it has.Since I scheduled the appointment, the following has happened: I got a second interview for a job that I really hope I get, I passed all my classes and am graduating, and things are just starting to look up.

I'm really grateful for the way things are starting to go, starting because I think things are going to get better.

That's the best part of all this I think, the feeling that even though things are super great right now...they're going to be.

p.s. It's totally May now...success!

Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions.
------------ Boyd K. Packer--------------

Dear Today, thanks.

So I didn't write about this yesterday...so this is a post about yesterday's today.

Dear April 27, 2011,

Today I had a job interview, and got a second one. Today I mowed the lawn, which on its own isn't great but it was super nice outside making it good. Today I played with the cutest little girl ever. Today I found out my grades and totally rocked them, so guess who is ready to graduate. I am soooo grateful for this part of my day, this semester involved A LOT of prayer. And I'm grateful.

Today, for some reason I felt like you were going to be great...stuff is starting to work out. And I'm grateful. Just one or two things left to work out. But tomorrow please let me get the job. I need it bad. And I'm grateful. I need people to celebrate with.

You've been great,
Jessica

p.s. I just read a book that Patriarchal Blessings are also for warnings, I didn't know that. Lightning bolt. I'm excited for Sunday. :)

Thankful.

Today started like any other day, I got up...finished a project, watched TV, and debated going to FHE...

I went, in a last ditch effort to make my day better, it worked. Tyler was there who is always hilarious! And Ethan, as well, pretty much everyone that went helped. It was awesome. Played volleyball with a beach ball and Tyler popped it, I thought that was going to be the highlight of my day...boy was I wrong.

Lately I've had that feeling, you know the one where you just feel like you need to cry all the time, nothing really has triggered it...though lately it feels like I have a lot to cry about. I just haven't found "a good enough reason to cry." So I haven't...

Then I started talking to Jordan, it all started with him just saying nice things:

let me shoot straight with ya, ok

you are stunningly gorgeous

you have this cool style too

its like, artist/indie/cool

you have an awesome sense of humor

YOU GOT IT GOING ON!

throw yourself out there, just a lil bit more, and go from there

i promise you turn more heads than you realize

Which of course brought us to the subject of dating, and how that currently isn't going very well, well shouldn't really be associated with how it's going actually. And he just started saying everything that I have been thinking about for what seems like forever. About what I'm supposed to do next, where I want to be in my life...just the basics.

Then it happened, I just started crying...I guess I found a good enough reason.

I am sooo grateful for that feeling, knowing He's there and loves me. I've been looking for that feeling for a while, just that's it's going to be ok. I've been kind of a downer lately. On the outside I'm really good at hiding it, which always reminds me of this song I am in love with right now Tonight, Tonight:

I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it.

Kind of a lame way to go through life, so from now on I'm on a mission to not have to fake it. I'm going to go for things, I'm going to be happy and not just the fake kind.

I'm soooo grateful for Jordan, saying all the stuff I needed to hear. He's awesome!!

p.s. He loves us!! Isn't it great.

Miracles. Or something like them.

Even MIRACLES take a little time.
*Fairy Godmother*

So this is what life feels like at this exact moment, there's a magnet on our fridge that has this quote. I guess I feel like things need to be moving in the "right" direction more quickly...so patience here we go again. I know what I want it's just a matter of it happening now.

So here's to miracles, the ones I don't notice at first and the ones that are right in front of my nose.

p.s. Read Dallin H. Oaks talk Desires...love it!

Choices...

..........................Can't live with 'em [sometimes],

Can't live without 'em...............................

What a dilemma.

Hi. I'm over here.

I can't sleep and so here we find ourselves...I have a million things to do tomorrow. I really need to sleep self.

Have you ever thought to yourself, while looking at the life's of others, if I would have kept dating that boy, if I would have kept that job, if I would have picked that degree, if I wouldn't have said that...basically if I could go back and change one thing where would I be now?

Life, in the current state it is now, isn't super great but isn't super awful either. And that's what leads me to this question constantly on my mind.

Would I be HAPPIER, would I be BETTER, who would I be...if I could turn back time. To be a tad cheesy.

It's that moment when you feel like you have no friends to talk to, you are sitting on the couch watching TV in the middle of the day, the moment something awesome happens and you can't think of who to tell...that's my life lately it seems, mostly by my own choice partly from outside influence (dumb school). There's moments of awesomeness, and times to be grateful for all that I've been given mixed with a bunch of times of wondering what's next...where I need to go from here...who I'm going to be.

Now after all that stuff...I'm excited for stuff that's coming up starting tomorrow.

* Getting a haircut, a big one.
* Going to California to see my brother whom I have missed much more than I thought I would. Woot! Apparently he's real buff now, I'll believe it when I see it :)
* Hopefully going to get a killer tan.
* Going to get a ton of studying done so I can rock all my classes.
* I'm going to find a job.
* I'm going to be successful

Here's to the new me...and not worrying about what might have been. We're living it baby.

Can I tell you a story? Ok, I'm going to anyway.

I am still looking for a job...it's the worst. But let me tell you a story about how I am GRATEFUL for the current state that my life is in.

Lately I've been kind of a downer it doesn't seem like anything is going right, and I'd like if everything was going right...but I'd settle for just one thing going right. So that's the way I've been approaching prayer lately. I pray that just one thing can go right and that I can see all that I have to be grateful for.

So this last week I've been blasting out emails everyday almost in an effort to find a job, mostly I get replies back from the fake ones on Craigslist. Which is the worst. So I finally got one that I felt like had potential. It was for a company called Tru Talent Management, not my ideal choice of where I want to work but it would be good for now. The job I was going for was an office job like data entry and stuff. I went down for the first interview, nailed it and got a second interview.

In my defense I had done research on the company and I knew that a lot of people didn't like them, but from what I had gathered it was because the people that heard about them didn't understand what they do.

So I went down for the second interview and was really excited, basically I had a job either way data entry or "something else". I didn't know Quickbook, I didn't get the data entry job. So I go in this other room with Steve to do the "other job" they had open.

SCOUTING is the worst!!! They pair you up with someone, I was with this older lady that was pretty creepy and way weird. Let's just say the whole drive she had the visor mirror down and was looking at herself as I was driving. The goal was to get 30 people to give you their name and number so you could call them about acting or modeling.

I was out for FIVE hours, I talked to a lot of people and got....ZERO names!!! If you don't get 30 then you don't make any money. So finally the lady I went with asked if I wanted to go home...YES PLEASE! I still have blisters all over my feet because I was not wearing good shoes. I will never be a scout again.

So here's where the grateful part comes in, that day I felt super crappy to top it off I'm kind of in need of a job because I'm kind of running out of money...so I got home and was back to praying I need a job, please help me to find the right one.

The next day I heard from a company I had emailed about a Roadshow they are doing Costco, I called him back and immediately got the job. Talk about a miracle, because the whole time I was dealing with this Tru Talent stuff I kept thinking that I needed to call Mikarose and get with them about a job.

So here I am with a temporary job that will give me enough money to last for a while. THANKFUL is what I am. You never really understand how nice it is to be able to have a job. And that's what not having a job has taught me I will be forever grateful when I find a job now, and I will be always thankful for that.

I had to work today which was kind of lame because I didn't get to go to church, but on the way they did the Sunday thought of the day was one of my favorite quotes and totally how I feel today and hopefully always --
Do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love. -Thomas S. Monson yes I know I just said this one in my last post...

I hope that Tuesday is not a reflection of what my life is going to be like...but that I can actually follow what I need to do, so I can show my gratitude for everything I have been given.

P.S. Mustache Party is tuesday, it's going to rock.

discouraged...

You can't be unhappy and GRATEFUL at the same time.
Now I just gotta remember that...

p.s. Do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? - Monson He's one smart guy...

Back to the Real World...I guess.

So Hawaii = Awesome as per usual. But...it would be better if a certain sister or a certain brother could have gone...maybe next year. Anyways, it was warm and wonderful got a nice tan and relaxation. Perfect.

Now to find a job...anyone, anyone? I need one super bad...but turns out I hate looking for a job. It's hard, and interviews make me so nervous. But I'm gonna find one.

Back to school...it's getting scary, my one class hasn't really had assignments you just watch these videos and write an essay...I haven't read all the chapters yet. Test one. Saturday.

Welcome to the real world.

Step one...

Open the door.

And coming in a close second...

So as of late...the number one thing I've been working on is faith. Holy hard sometimes, no job, no boy, no motivation, and school. It's tough sometimes to have faith that something is going to work, that I'm going to find an awesome job to help pay for my awesome car, that that one boy is going to realize anything, being motivated to rock something, and school blek.

Luckily, I've had all those things before so...faith shouldn't be as hard right. Still working on that one.

And in a close second, I'm working on patience. (not by my own choice of course) I already know a whole lot about it. :)

So any day now...comes the LIGHT.

I should probably tell you something...

So...this whole Life of a College Grad thing may be a little deceiving. While I did technically graduate, as in walking and stuff, I still have a few classes to finish up before I can get that little piece of paper. So here I go, in an attempt to make things even more stressful, let's take those few classes. Wheff, now that that tricky part is over...on to happier things.

Well not really I guess, I still don't have a job. I haven't really been looking to hard though, so...I should probably do something about that, though my family is going to Hawaii in like 2 weeks then I'll look real hard all the time until I find one.

My brother is officially at Boot Camp for the Marines, holy weird. I have to say it's nice to not have a smelly basement anymore. haha I miss having him around which I didn't think would happen as much as it is...now it's just me and my parents which is weird, not that Josh was home that much anyways.

New YEARS Eve, is it lame that I didn't want to go anywhere? But in an attempt to not be lame I went out anyways...I saw a lot more people I knew than I thought I would. But here's the problem, most my friends are guys (which is great, I love them) but that makes it a little difficult to meet boys when you're already with boys...so here's to me being braver, not on New Years really...but there was this one that his friend's left his number on a paper I text him? That's brave right? haha No, it's not really...oh I talked to boys at Ward Prayer, and ps Ward Prayer is basically glorified FHE, fun though.

So lately I've been really lazy, it's super dumb. But I feel like I'm stuck in this rut of nothing productive. But I'm working on it.

GUESS WHAT!? I don't have my patriarchal blessing...which isn't the good part but I got a recommend to get one!!!! WOOHOO. I'm super excited, I need one real bad and I really shouldn't have waited this long. And I renewed my temple recommend...so let the spiritual-ness just flow. Woot.

Sam's back!!! I missed that girl! Hopefully good times will flow immediately.

My sister is having another baby too!! Woohoo. Hopefully it's another girl...or else poor Raul (I don't know how to spell it, but ask my sister to spell/say it for you)


Ok, that's all. Thanks.

Turn Around

So I'm ready for that point in life where everything turns around and starts working again...I think it's starting. Some things are going well, so that's a start right?

In an effort to not be such a downer I've been trying to think of all the things I have to be grateful for, I mean "Our life's are blessed in countless ways." (Monson) So why not live it up. So starting now positive blogging will occur. I still haven't taken any pictures...Brady got some but frankly I haven't even seen those yet.

So TURN AROUND, I'm over here.

Stressed. Overwhelmed. Worried. But I got this.

After winter comes summer.
After night comes dawn.
And after every storm,
there comes CLEAR OPEN SKIES.
***** Samuel Rutherford*****

There will be NOTHING that will destroy us.
*****Thomas S. Monson*****

It'll be an adventure Charlie...

So...talk about bored lately, I don't have a job which means the spice cabinet, the pantry, the corner cabinet, the basement and my room are generally clean. It also means that, I'm bored out of my mind, there's only so many things to clean before it gets lame.

It also means I had time to make a bedspread for my new bed, which looks awesome! (I tried to take pictures but it looks less awesome on here...) So maybe see it in real life.

Recent discovery I have taken zero pictures since Halloween, HALLOWEEN! What the flip is up with me lately, am I not having fun? Have I been on no adventures? This will end, hopefully when finals are over for certain people that I do stuff with that I haven't seen in forever. Dumb finals.

In a recent attempt to spice life up a bit, I have done nothing to help that...so starting this minute (tomorrow) I'm going to have fun, be creative, and do stuff. So I don't become the boring person I am turning into, if somebody asks you what you did today and you say you organized the spice cabinet you've got bigger problems than super old spices from who knows when.

So in an effort to ditch the lame, something big is coming...when I know what it is I'll let you know, if you'd like to be involved, even better.

I need a project.

Well that wasn't part of the plan...

...the plan wasn't to lose my job a few months after I bought a new car.
...the plan wasn't to not have a plan if that ever happened.
...the plan wasn't to have it happen right before Christmas.
...the plan was to keep on keepin' on.
I feel very blessed my grandparents gave me money for Christmas which will pay for insurance and my car payment. So even though this wasn't the plan. This is going to work. It has to right?
Because no matter what happens in "my plan", his plan works. So here we go.

Following

Can I just say that I love Relief Society now!? Holy awesome, shout out to Lexie...best teacher ever!

So today we talked about the Holy Ghost and it was just a bunch of stories people gave of times in their lives that they felt the spirit. I was asked to give one, well she asked me last week but I was thinking about it and most of the ones I remember are times I didn't listen...yikes, I know.

Dating, I know all you married folk time to zone out, is soo stressful and I think a lot of times we make it that way a lot more than it needs to be. Working on it ok. I feel like I'm doing a lot better at not being such a freak. haha So this isn't really a plug about dating now, mostly because I feel like I'm doing fine dating at the moment (not an announcement of anything), but looking back on past relationships obviously the ones that didn't work out I could have been so much more blessed if I followed the answer I "didn't want".

Let's just say I know the feeling you get when something isn't right, I remember getting that every time I was dating someone and it wasn't right. That's I guess what's heart, it wasn't what I wanted, it wasn't what I was praying for, and it wasn't the plan I had set out. And therein lies the problem, what's going to happen in my life isn't my plan I'm not in charges. Ah. haha So here's the feelings I got when it's not His plan in hopes that I'll do better at following-
Right when I got out of high school I started dating hardcore, one guy. It was awesome, he was super funny, fun, cool, and all the things that made life awesome. Things were going great, I was praying about it and never really got an answer that it was right I felt good about it, but I never felt like I got an answer that it was wrong. I went to Women's Conference with no objective but to feel the spirit, mission accomplished. It was so awesome. I was sitting in one session, she wasn't even talking about dating or anything, but I got the strongest feeling that it wasn't going to work. Of course, this wasn't the answer I was looking for or the answer I wanted. I went into the bathroom and prayed that feeling would go away. So I didn't listen...we kept dating, and just like the feeling I got and should have listened to we broke up. It was awful. But I'm so grateful that it didn't work out, I was nineteen for crying out loud. Frankly he married the next girl so congrats to them.
It's like that moment when someone is breaking up with you and you think to yourself this wasn't the plan, I'm supposed to be happy. Where's that guy? So after several failed attempts and what I thought I needed/wanted I'm not paying attention to what I want anymore I'm trying really hard to listen to what He wants.
Note to self: recently I was dating someone it was going well, then of course it got not as well, I really liked him we had so much fun. But I wasn't really being treated in a way that I loved. So I went with the answer I had been given not the answer I necessarily wanted to get, it wasn't right. It wasn't going to work, as much as I wanted it to, as much fun as we had, there's something better somewhere. I've never really broken up with someone, I don't like hurting peoples feelings, it's awful. But I knew the answer, and I knew the outcome might not be what I wanted it to be but it would be either now or a while down the road that this answer was what would happen. Man this doesn't make sense probably to anybody else but me.

So here goes nothing, following the promptings of the Holy Ghost. FOLLOWING. Not leading. It's going to work out. It's going to work out.

It's like when somebody tells you about something they may have done, and there's two reactions you could have: oh my gosh, steer clear of them or oh my gosh, you're not perfect either? Note to self: nobody's perfect. Join the club. But I'm trying really hard to come close? Welcome to life.

I feel like there should be pictures or an update of recent life in the following area, I don't have pictures the only ones I have is from the Nearly Naked Mile that are in Brady's possession. So here's a recap of the now:

Rocket Summer concert, I just have to say that his concerts are the best concerts I have been to in my entire life! I love this guy! He's so into the music. It's amazing. Me and Brando went and well I am very lucky I didn't lose my voice because it was an acoustic concert sing along style, awesome!

Me and Thomas my really good friend went ice skating, it was super fun to catch up! Ice skating hurts a lot more than I remember, and watch out for us in the next Olympics because we're soo good at it. Should have taken pictures...next time.

So this friday they did this thing called the Nearly Naked Mile, it was interesting...haha. Some people should really just wear clothes all the time, it was funny Brady was taking pictures for senate...and well, it was the Nearly Naked Mile if you can imagine. Ben was partly in charge so we went as a fan base, number 1 fan here. I told him that we were going to make posters, but I got nervous. haha So we didn't...but I did make one last night and left it on his car which said the following: Congrats on your naked accomplishments! -Your number 1 fan. I guess I have a picture of that. Success.

Double or Nothing, so my friends started this band in 2004, they had a CD release party on saturday and it was amazing! Compare this CD to their first ones, holy improvement! haha. They had Matt's family all play violins with them, it was sooo cool! And also I got to see my long lost friend Cecilia!! I love that girl, we will be partying soon. Mark my words.

I think that's pretty much the update...Oh and Allison is coming to town! Best Thanksgiving ever! A party is in store, and frankly there will be pictures and fun and friends I never get to see. I love those girls!

So for now, key word is FOLLOWING. Oh and read The Traveler's Gift, it is amazing! Back to reading, thanks Lexie.