Thankful.

Today started like any other day, I got up...finished a project, watched TV, and debated going to FHE...

I went, in a last ditch effort to make my day better, it worked. Tyler was there who is always hilarious! And Ethan, as well, pretty much everyone that went helped. It was awesome. Played volleyball with a beach ball and Tyler popped it, I thought that was going to be the highlight of my day...boy was I wrong.

Lately I've had that feeling, you know the one where you just feel like you need to cry all the time, nothing really has triggered it...though lately it feels like I have a lot to cry about. I just haven't found "a good enough reason to cry." So I haven't...

Then I started talking to Jordan, it all started with him just saying nice things:

let me shoot straight with ya, ok

you are stunningly gorgeous

you have this cool style too

its like, artist/indie/cool

you have an awesome sense of humor

YOU GOT IT GOING ON!

throw yourself out there, just a lil bit more, and go from there

i promise you turn more heads than you realize

Which of course brought us to the subject of dating, and how that currently isn't going very well, well shouldn't really be associated with how it's going actually. And he just started saying everything that I have been thinking about for what seems like forever. About what I'm supposed to do next, where I want to be in my life...just the basics.

Then it happened, I just started crying...I guess I found a good enough reason.

I am sooo grateful for that feeling, knowing He's there and loves me. I've been looking for that feeling for a while, just that's it's going to be ok. I've been kind of a downer lately. On the outside I'm really good at hiding it, which always reminds me of this song I am in love with right now Tonight, Tonight:

I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it.

Kind of a lame way to go through life, so from now on I'm on a mission to not have to fake it. I'm going to go for things, I'm going to be happy and not just the fake kind.

I'm soooo grateful for Jordan, saying all the stuff I needed to hear. He's awesome!!

p.s. He loves us!! Isn't it great.

Miracles. Or something like them.

Even MIRACLES take a little time.
*Fairy Godmother*

So this is what life feels like at this exact moment, there's a magnet on our fridge that has this quote. I guess I feel like things need to be moving in the "right" direction more quickly...so patience here we go again. I know what I want it's just a matter of it happening now.

So here's to miracles, the ones I don't notice at first and the ones that are right in front of my nose.

p.s. Read Dallin H. Oaks talk Desires...love it!

Choices...

..........................Can't live with 'em [sometimes],

Can't live without 'em...............................

What a dilemma.

Hi. I'm over here.

I can't sleep and so here we find ourselves...I have a million things to do tomorrow. I really need to sleep self.

Have you ever thought to yourself, while looking at the life's of others, if I would have kept dating that boy, if I would have kept that job, if I would have picked that degree, if I wouldn't have said that...basically if I could go back and change one thing where would I be now?

Life, in the current state it is now, isn't super great but isn't super awful either. And that's what leads me to this question constantly on my mind.

Would I be HAPPIER, would I be BETTER, who would I be...if I could turn back time. To be a tad cheesy.

It's that moment when you feel like you have no friends to talk to, you are sitting on the couch watching TV in the middle of the day, the moment something awesome happens and you can't think of who to tell...that's my life lately it seems, mostly by my own choice partly from outside influence (dumb school). There's moments of awesomeness, and times to be grateful for all that I've been given mixed with a bunch of times of wondering what's next...where I need to go from here...who I'm going to be.

Now after all that stuff...I'm excited for stuff that's coming up starting tomorrow.

* Getting a haircut, a big one.
* Going to California to see my brother whom I have missed much more than I thought I would. Woot! Apparently he's real buff now, I'll believe it when I see it :)
* Hopefully going to get a killer tan.
* Going to get a ton of studying done so I can rock all my classes.
* I'm going to find a job.
* I'm going to be successful

Here's to the new me...and not worrying about what might have been. We're living it baby.

Can I tell you a story? Ok, I'm going to anyway.

I am still looking for a job...it's the worst. But let me tell you a story about how I am GRATEFUL for the current state that my life is in.

Lately I've been kind of a downer it doesn't seem like anything is going right, and I'd like if everything was going right...but I'd settle for just one thing going right. So that's the way I've been approaching prayer lately. I pray that just one thing can go right and that I can see all that I have to be grateful for.

So this last week I've been blasting out emails everyday almost in an effort to find a job, mostly I get replies back from the fake ones on Craigslist. Which is the worst. So I finally got one that I felt like had potential. It was for a company called Tru Talent Management, not my ideal choice of where I want to work but it would be good for now. The job I was going for was an office job like data entry and stuff. I went down for the first interview, nailed it and got a second interview.

In my defense I had done research on the company and I knew that a lot of people didn't like them, but from what I had gathered it was because the people that heard about them didn't understand what they do.

So I went down for the second interview and was really excited, basically I had a job either way data entry or "something else". I didn't know Quickbook, I didn't get the data entry job. So I go in this other room with Steve to do the "other job" they had open.

SCOUTING is the worst!!! They pair you up with someone, I was with this older lady that was pretty creepy and way weird. Let's just say the whole drive she had the visor mirror down and was looking at herself as I was driving. The goal was to get 30 people to give you their name and number so you could call them about acting or modeling.

I was out for FIVE hours, I talked to a lot of people and got....ZERO names!!! If you don't get 30 then you don't make any money. So finally the lady I went with asked if I wanted to go home...YES PLEASE! I still have blisters all over my feet because I was not wearing good shoes. I will never be a scout again.

So here's where the grateful part comes in, that day I felt super crappy to top it off I'm kind of in need of a job because I'm kind of running out of money...so I got home and was back to praying I need a job, please help me to find the right one.

The next day I heard from a company I had emailed about a Roadshow they are doing Costco, I called him back and immediately got the job. Talk about a miracle, because the whole time I was dealing with this Tru Talent stuff I kept thinking that I needed to call Mikarose and get with them about a job.

So here I am with a temporary job that will give me enough money to last for a while. THANKFUL is what I am. You never really understand how nice it is to be able to have a job. And that's what not having a job has taught me I will be forever grateful when I find a job now, and I will be always thankful for that.

I had to work today which was kind of lame because I didn't get to go to church, but on the way they did the Sunday thought of the day was one of my favorite quotes and totally how I feel today and hopefully always --
Do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love. -Thomas S. Monson yes I know I just said this one in my last post...

I hope that Tuesday is not a reflection of what my life is going to be like...but that I can actually follow what I need to do, so I can show my gratitude for everything I have been given.

P.S. Mustache Party is tuesday, it's going to rock.

discouraged...

You can't be unhappy and GRATEFUL at the same time.
Now I just gotta remember that...

p.s. Do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? - Monson He's one smart guy...

Back to the Real World...I guess.

So Hawaii = Awesome as per usual. But...it would be better if a certain sister or a certain brother could have gone...maybe next year. Anyways, it was warm and wonderful got a nice tan and relaxation. Perfect.

Now to find a job...anyone, anyone? I need one super bad...but turns out I hate looking for a job. It's hard, and interviews make me so nervous. But I'm gonna find one.

Back to school...it's getting scary, my one class hasn't really had assignments you just watch these videos and write an essay...I haven't read all the chapters yet. Test one. Saturday.

Welcome to the real world.