Monday, April 18, 2011


Today started like any other day, I got up...finished a project, watched TV, and debated going to FHE...

I went, in a last ditch effort to make my day better, it worked. Tyler was there who is always hilarious! And Ethan, as well, pretty much everyone that went helped. It was awesome. Played volleyball with a beach ball and Tyler popped it, I thought that was going to be the highlight of my day...boy was I wrong.

Lately I've had that feeling, you know the one where you just feel like you need to cry all the time, nothing really has triggered it...though lately it feels like I have a lot to cry about. I just haven't found "a good enough reason to cry." So I haven't...

Then I started talking to Jordan, it all started with him just saying nice things:

let me shoot straight with ya, ok
you are stunningly gorgeous
you have this cool style too
its like, artist/indie/cool
you have an awesome sense of humor
throw yourself out there, just a lil bit more, and go from there
i promise you turn more heads than you realize

Which of course brought us to the subject of dating, and how that currently isn't going very well, well shouldn't really be associated with how it's going actually. And he just started saying everything that I have been thinking about for what seems like forever. About what I'm supposed to do next, where I want to be in my life...just the basics.

Then it happened, I just started crying...I guess I found a good enough reason.

I am sooo grateful for that feeling, knowing He's there and loves me. I've been looking for that feeling for a while, just that's it's going to be ok. I've been kind of a downer lately. On the outside I'm really good at hiding it, which always reminds me of this song I am in love with right now Tonight, Tonight:
I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it.

Kind of a lame way to go through life, so from now on I'm on a mission to not have to fake it. I'm going to go for things, I'm going to be happy and not just the fake kind.

I'm soooo grateful for Jordan, saying all the stuff I needed to hear. He's awesome!!

p.s. He loves us!! Isn't it great.

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